If you didn’t catch Part 1, here it is :)
[Enter Taylor] Seriously, he helped me become the person I am today, that is, confident in every thing that I am and do. He loved me when I was at my heaviest, he never saw me as fat. I never at the time understood why he didn’t or why he loved me so much. But him showing me affection, and just always having a good time with him, that was the beginning of my healing. I was able to talk to him about how I felt about myself, and that helped me to see myself in a new light. I learned to accept what I had been given. Because he loved me for me, he never asked me to change, or told me I was fat. He made me feel like a princess (still does haha), and made me forget all the pain I had when I had to let go of running, and forget how I felt about myself. Him loving me showed me how to love myself.
I still had bad days were I thought negative about myself. I knew I would never be completely “healed”. I was still think bad about myself, but hoped for less of those……Then I found Paleo. I started it with the only reason of sleeping better and hoping to get rid of my acne. It did one of the two haha still fighting with the acne. But I saw that most of the people who did Paleo also lifted weights, more specifically, Crossfit. I wasn’t ready to do heavy weights, but because I loved the dedication, and hard work (aka, they have smokin’ bodies in my eyes), I wanted that. I wanted to have a body I was proud of, a body that I could say I worked my ass off. And with the help of Taylor’s motivation, I started to conquer my fear of weights.
And surprisingly, I loved it. I loved everything about lifting weights, and still do. I was still having problems with my legs (damage that was done from running for a month with multiple shin fractures on each leg = messed up and weak ankles and knees, and shins that will throb if I run too far, or bang them on something). But was then beginning to see a difference in my runs, weights had strengthened my knee so it didn’t bother me as often. But it wasn’t until I began running every other day, and doing weights inbetween those days, that I really saw a difference. I was getting muscle for once, I actually looked a lot smaller, and this was beyond crazy to me! My biggest fear was what was giving me what I wanted – to look small and toned. Still no abs, but at this point I had given up on trying to get them, and was okay with that.
[Enter August] This is finally when I saw results that I had been trying to get forever. I got sick for about 3 weeks. Stupid fever wouldn’t go away, my whole body was beyond tired and ached to get out of bed. So on the days I was feeling better and took up my chance to run, I did short runs. Only about 2-3 miles. HIIT runs. Speed runs. And by the end of the month, I had a visible one pack. I was beyond ecstatic about this. I had done sprints before, but never all 3 days I run. I immediately was addicted and decided this is what I wanted to do. My shins didn’t hurt anymore, I was having great workouts. I had finally found my happiness.
I’m finally happy with my body. I’m finally accepting my curves, and that is what has helped me fall in love with myself. I’ve messed around with what works for me, and it’s not about being that fit chick anymore. For me it’s about just being happy and healthy. If healthy means I gain 5 extra pounds, then so be it. I went from weighing myself every day to now, the last time I weighed myself was at the doctors, and I did look. Because I knew no matter the number, I would be okay with it. I am finally happy with my body, that the size of the jeans and the weight on the scale doesn’t matter.
And I’m basically on a mission now, I want to help as many girls as possible, through social media, my blog, and in life. I never want anyone to have to go through the low that I did, I never want anyone to have such a hatred and negative mindset towards themselves like I did. This might sound contradicting but, I know I’ll never 100% be positive and always have good things to say or think about my body. But now it’s because I want to improve, I want that muscle, I want to see myself grow as human being and the best I can possible be. I will always expect the best out of myself, and I’m aware of that, but that is what makes me who I am, and I have made that into a positive thing in my life. And truly that is all that matters. Learning about yourself, and making things into something that works for you and is positive. Positivity, and passion is what keeps me striving for my goals, both educational, physically, and emotionally.